Why, Lord?

Lord,
why am I acting the way that I am?
Why do I say the things that I do?
why don't I stop myself from being so mean So hurtful?
Why?
Why do I watch the things that I do?
Why do allow myself to be a part of hurtful things?
Why do I laugh when a friend is made fun of?
Why do I make fun of a brother or sister when they fall?
Why?
Why do I not go help them?
Why do I not love them and lift them up?
Why do I not stand against this hurt this pain?
Why do I not say "No More!"?
Why?

Why, Lord?

We make reasons saying that you have a humor, which you do, but even more importantly you have a heart. When we hurt, you hurt. When we break, you break. When we sin, you cry. When we laugh, you laugh. When we smile, you smile gloriously.

Lord, Why?

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For the past few months, I have been struggling with a search for happiness. Deep inside there has been a fight for me, for my life and for my heart. I can tell. Based on where things are going, I've been thinking and saying "oh if only I had this, then things would be better," "if only, I hadn't done that," "if only..." "if only..." It could go on forever. The world is like this, you can constantly be around people who are casually saying, I wish I had what this other person had. Or we also look other people think in our minds and dream of what it would be like if we had whatever they had, whether it be a car, a relationship, a house, a family, a degree or a deeper relationship with Christ. This is where I think I have finally learned what true contentment is. True contentment is being joyful in what you have and praising God during those storms of life.
Being content that you have a family that gets on your nerves and you get them to love, being content that you have friends to talk to and hang out with and can randomly walk into their house at any given time and they'll be there for you, even if they pick on you constantly, being content that you have a job that gives you experience that you can take to the next one and the next and the next, even when it is temporary. There are so many things that we want to change, that we want make better because we are searching for the perfect happiness. But when we become content in the things and people that God has given us then there's happiness that in it own way right.

It like what Apostle Paul said in Phillipians 4:10-13

"I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Kim

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Love Language

My love language I know has always been acts of kindness. I love to help people. Sometimes it can be a weakness for me. I love to show people how much I care about them just through what I do, not just by what I say( which is also important). I know without doing things for others, I am not who God made me to be. I feel like when I give or doing to others, I'm helping the One who helped me, and I think I need to look at it like that all the time. It's not like I'm helping some poor person on the street or the old lady with her groceries, I'm helping Jesus. I will tell you I've forgotten that. I think we all forget that sometimes when we get in the mode of helping others. We just think we are doing something good, but there is something so much more than that.
This passage comes to me about what I just said in

Matthew 25: 34-40
"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

Kim

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The Week of Trial

Amidst the craziness of this week, I am ready. Ready for today. Ready for relaxation. Ready for time away from the stress of the thought of getting of a job. Ready for a change of scenery. Ready for God's words of wisdom for my life. Ready for Him.
There is not one day this week where I did not get up before 8 am and was not continuously unsure about applying for a job. Not just because my skills but also because I wasn't sure if this was where God wanted me. But it seemed every time I kept getting unsure something came up that made it seem less unsure and more seemingly possible that God really wants me there. I wasn't sure I would do well on the test for some computer applications but I did so much better than I thought. I wasn't sure how I would get there during the two weeks when my mom is at the Mt. Pleasant location but then we found out that a Carta bus picks up and drops off people right from the hospital. I wasn't sure how my previous employer would speak of me when the temp agency called but when I sat there and heard a good response, I felt confident in myself and in my actions and my choices. I have nothing to be afraid of.
All this stress I've gone through, all this pressure, all this junk, all this whatever you want to call it was the devil trying to get me to bail out and say I don't want to do it. I don't think I can measure up to anyone's standards. It was all a mind trick from him.
Once I noticed that the person from the temp agency thought I was just coming for help trying to find a job and not the one job I had my eye on, I had to say something. It was God's power, strength that gave me the courage to say it, to speak up and say what was needed to be said.
And from that time, that moment, I have been pretty confident that God is going to use me in a big way.

Praise Jesus!
Kim

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