God, why did you give me this burden to take?I don't feel that strong. I don't feel like I can handle it on my own.I can't do this without you God. It hurts so much more everyday.I'm sometimes ready to give up. Go my own way. But then I look back to how far I've gotten with you. And I can't let go.Not now. It's not just my own life. Its even more the people that I love and their burdens. Their hurts. I can't not pray for them. They are people that are always there for me in good times and bad times. I'm sometimes just waiting for them to leave. For them to say "I don't want to see your face anymore." "You annoy me." But now everytime I see them now they say the complete opposite "I love you" "You're so sincere" "I miss you" "You'll always be beautiful no matter what"It weirds me out but its nice. It's nice to hear words of love from people that you love and I love too.
Thank you God. I love you!
Kim
Matthew 11: 28 - 30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
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Monday, November 26, 2007
Mary & Martha
Mary & Martha
I'm learning everyday now how to be more of Mary and not so much of a Martha. Its difficult you see. All I want to do is one of the two either work myself to the bone and barely holding on to the purpose of which it may be, or stay in the now present time be with my Lord wherever I go, whatever I do, whoever I talk to, being still in His presence, remembering I am His and He is mine. Sometimes I get the two confused, Mary and Martha. I may think I am doing somethin extravagent out of love when all the person wants is my time with them, my listening ears. I still have a job to do and Christ knows that but all He wants is my time. My heart. My love. MY surrendering to Him.
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I'm learning everyday now how to be more of Mary and not so much of a Martha. Its difficult you see. All I want to do is one of the two either work myself to the bone and barely holding on to the purpose of which it may be, or stay in the now present time be with my Lord wherever I go, whatever I do, whoever I talk to, being still in His presence, remembering I am His and He is mine. Sometimes I get the two confused, Mary and Martha. I may think I am doing somethin extravagent out of love when all the person wants is my time with them, my listening ears. I still have a job to do and Christ knows that but all He wants is my time. My heart. My love. MY surrendering to Him.
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Untitled
untitled
I'm scared.
I'm scared of walking forward.
And I'm sure as heck scared of walking backward.
But I'm even more scared of staying right where I am.
I'm scared.
I'm scared of letting go.
And I'm scared of pulling back.
But I'm even more scared of holding on forever.
I don't know where to go.
I don't know what to do.
All I see is Jesus fighting the way.
I sometimes sit unsure as why.
Why He still wants me here.
Is my purpose really just to help my family or is there something more?
What about when they get older?
I know I will want to get away on my own.
What is my purpose?
Lord, What is my purpose?
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I'm scared.
I'm scared of walking forward.
And I'm sure as heck scared of walking backward.
But I'm even more scared of staying right where I am.
I'm scared.
I'm scared of letting go.
And I'm scared of pulling back.
But I'm even more scared of holding on forever.
I don't know where to go.
I don't know what to do.
All I see is Jesus fighting the way.
I sometimes sit unsure as why.
Why He still wants me here.
Is my purpose really just to help my family or is there something more?
What about when they get older?
I know I will want to get away on my own.
What is my purpose?
Lord, What is my purpose?
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Pursuing life & Love
This is a girl blog so guys if you are reading, take heed some worthy advice or just don't read.
I tend to be one of those girls that goes out of her way to get to know a guy and find out what he likes and somehow along the way forgets who she is, who God really made her to be, because she's maybe invested too much time in a guy that may not even be interested or worst completely oblivious of the whole situation. Well I'm sure I'm not the only girl that's like that. It stinks being hurt by each one of those experinces, but I've learned alot from each one of them. I've learned to HOLD ON TIGHTLY to who God made me. I may go astray a little each time, but deep inside I know in my heart who I am and who God has made me to be. A woman with a will to do something big for Him. A woman who cares those who are hurting in ever so many different ways. A woman with a spirit if let free to roam could change the world, one person at a time. A woman is continuously working on herself and asking for God's guidance.
I just pray I don't have to be stuck in this going out there pursuing the guy when he should be pursuing me. That's every girls hope and prayer. Take that to the bank, guys. For now I'm just going to pursue God's will for my life, and be completely satisfied in His love.
Kim
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I tend to be one of those girls that goes out of her way to get to know a guy and find out what he likes and somehow along the way forgets who she is, who God really made her to be, because she's maybe invested too much time in a guy that may not even be interested or worst completely oblivious of the whole situation. Well I'm sure I'm not the only girl that's like that. It stinks being hurt by each one of those experinces, but I've learned alot from each one of them. I've learned to HOLD ON TIGHTLY to who God made me. I may go astray a little each time, but deep inside I know in my heart who I am and who God has made me to be. A woman with a will to do something big for Him. A woman who cares those who are hurting in ever so many different ways. A woman with a spirit if let free to roam could change the world, one person at a time. A woman is continuously working on herself and asking for God's guidance.
I just pray I don't have to be stuck in this going out there pursuing the guy when he should be pursuing me. That's every girls hope and prayer. Take that to the bank, guys. For now I'm just going to pursue God's will for my life, and be completely satisfied in His love.
Kim
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You Matter To GOD!!!
You Matter To God!
Insert name, you matter to God.
My one of my church pastor's says that alot in his messages and I will admit I never understood what it meant when he said that. When I initially heard that phrase, I was thinking, "Oh only if I fulfill my purpose in life and do what God calls me to do and don't make any mistakes and work to live a perfect life for God, spreading His word and love out there." But then I thought there's got to be more to this phrase "You matter to God."
I began to think well there was those two criminals on the hill with Jesus when He was crucified. One said, "So you're the Messiah, are you? Prove it by saving yourself - and us, to, while you're at it!"But the other criminal protested, "Don't you fear God even when you are dying? We deserve to die for our eveil deeds, but this man hasn't done anything wrong." Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom." And Jesus replied, "I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise." (Luke 23:39-43)
With that, I looked at how the criminal who protested, who feared God and asked Jesus to remember him, he didn't do anything big he didn't go into the world and spread God's word, he didn't do alot, but he did believe that Jesus Christ was the Messiah and feared God in a way that mattered to Him.
Now this doesn't say that all the evil people in the bible or in the world don't matter to God. But that's a whole nother blog Right now I am focusing on the fact that we matter to God.
I thought about that passage and then I thought well what does it mean to matter to someone. What does it mean to matter to God? I thought about my family. I don't necessarily have to do anything for them, I just know that I matter to them and they love me. I hadn't thought about that in a long time. I was in the kitchen getting dinner ready for the family and I started tearing up. My sister noticed it. I didn't want to go into big depth about it. But I thought it would definitely be a great blog.
With all this said, I finally understand what it means to matter to someone and even more importantly God.
I don't have to do anything, I just matter, I am important, I am loved, I am cared for. He is always with me. He will leave the rest of the group just to find me, the that strayed.
MMMMM What amazing thoughts!!!
Go God!!
Kim S.
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Insert name, you matter to God.
My one of my church pastor's says that alot in his messages and I will admit I never understood what it meant when he said that. When I initially heard that phrase, I was thinking, "Oh only if I fulfill my purpose in life and do what God calls me to do and don't make any mistakes and work to live a perfect life for God, spreading His word and love out there." But then I thought there's got to be more to this phrase "You matter to God."
I began to think well there was those two criminals on the hill with Jesus when He was crucified. One said, "So you're the Messiah, are you? Prove it by saving yourself - and us, to, while you're at it!"But the other criminal protested, "Don't you fear God even when you are dying? We deserve to die for our eveil deeds, but this man hasn't done anything wrong." Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom." And Jesus replied, "I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise." (Luke 23:39-43)
With that, I looked at how the criminal who protested, who feared God and asked Jesus to remember him, he didn't do anything big he didn't go into the world and spread God's word, he didn't do alot, but he did believe that Jesus Christ was the Messiah and feared God in a way that mattered to Him.
Now this doesn't say that all the evil people in the bible or in the world don't matter to God. But that's a whole nother blog Right now I am focusing on the fact that we matter to God.
I thought about that passage and then I thought well what does it mean to matter to someone. What does it mean to matter to God? I thought about my family. I don't necessarily have to do anything for them, I just know that I matter to them and they love me. I hadn't thought about that in a long time. I was in the kitchen getting dinner ready for the family and I started tearing up. My sister noticed it. I didn't want to go into big depth about it. But I thought it would definitely be a great blog.
With all this said, I finally understand what it means to matter to someone and even more importantly God.
I don't have to do anything, I just matter, I am important, I am loved, I am cared for. He is always with me. He will leave the rest of the group just to find me, the that strayed.
MMMMM What amazing thoughts!!!
Go God!!
Kim S.
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What is a Christian?
What is a Christian?
When that question came to me once, I was kind of baffelled because I have always viewed a Christian as someone who is out the passionately telling others about Christ and making a difference for Christ, not such mouch focusing on the careers of the world or much else but truly going out there and passionately speaking the truth of God with love. Well I have to say that can be one view of a Christian but I am now realizing that a Christian does not just have to be a out there on a soap box preaching to others. Or going to house to house. Or be a graduate of the ministry. I'm now realizing a Christian is a person who goes into the world knowing that God is in control of their lives, wherever they go, whatever they do, He is there. And even more Jesus is walking with them, holding their hand, picking them up when they fall. Hearing them when they pray out loud. And the Holy Spirit is their way to hear Father God respond in ever so many different ways
I'm now realizing a Christian is not just the preacher in church or the speaker that we see at a conference, they are the doctor we have for check ups, the neighbor we have down the road, the friend we see everyday, the cashier at the grocery store, the bank teller, the newscaster on TV, the airforce guy, the waiter at the resteraunt. It's so hard for me to admit to that I have looked up to people with such passion as that. But the same people who do the I just mentioned were just called in a diffent way. God called someone to be a preacher, and also gave someone a desire to be a doctor or a teacher but that doesn't mean that their faith in God has deminisced(sp?).
I don't know if this helps anyone else but writing this sure helped me.
Love ya,Kim
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When that question came to me once, I was kind of baffelled because I have always viewed a Christian as someone who is out the passionately telling others about Christ and making a difference for Christ, not such mouch focusing on the careers of the world or much else but truly going out there and passionately speaking the truth of God with love. Well I have to say that can be one view of a Christian but I am now realizing that a Christian does not just have to be a out there on a soap box preaching to others. Or going to house to house. Or be a graduate of the ministry. I'm now realizing a Christian is a person who goes into the world knowing that God is in control of their lives, wherever they go, whatever they do, He is there. And even more Jesus is walking with them, holding their hand, picking them up when they fall. Hearing them when they pray out loud. And the Holy Spirit is their way to hear Father God respond in ever so many different ways
I'm now realizing a Christian is not just the preacher in church or the speaker that we see at a conference, they are the doctor we have for check ups, the neighbor we have down the road, the friend we see everyday, the cashier at the grocery store, the bank teller, the newscaster on TV, the airforce guy, the waiter at the resteraunt. It's so hard for me to admit to that I have looked up to people with such passion as that. But the same people who do the I just mentioned were just called in a diffent way. God called someone to be a preacher, and also gave someone a desire to be a doctor or a teacher but that doesn't mean that their faith in God has deminisced(sp?).
I don't know if this helps anyone else but writing this sure helped me.
Love ya,Kim
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Coming to Grips...
I'm finally coming to grips with something. I don't want to go back to the life before. In the sense of, the memories. you know how some memories stick wiht you for ever and you can't get them out of your head, they can be good, they can be bad, but you wouldn't trade them for the world, because you know personally that God put those times those situations in your life to make you who you are at this moment(wow that's a run on sentence). Well that's what I'm talking about. I don't want to go back to those memories. I don't want to relive to memories the bad ones at least, continuously over and over again. If there is a time for me to see my friends or go back to the places of those memories, then let it be, but I won't force it. I want to live in the now. Be happy with who I am now. Where I am now. And with the amazing people that God has placed me with. Take in the time I have with my family and friends. Learn who I am and who God wants me to be. Live & walk in His presence everyday.
Kim
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Kim
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Stand out of the Crowd
The hardest years of my life by far were my high school years. I go back to them practically everyday. The memories are etched in my memory, as iff they could never be erased. Some people say that their high school years are are the best. Some people say that theirs were the worst. While others, they just say it was all a blur, mixed drugs and booze. Well I can't say any of that. I'm 23 yrs old and I still feel as if my my life is there but I know I'm not. I went back to my high school and I just didn't fit in to the school, the town, the area. It was like God had changed me into a whole new person. I may be able to think back on those memories but its as if I'm not a part of that time or that town anymore. He's changed me into something brand new. Something deep inside is better, something or someone wants to make a difference in peoples lives while I'm here.
Immediately after I left my town, I decided to devote my life into youth ministry and giving my time in the church. Through that I truely fell in love with the youth, guiding them through their lives, being there, laughing with them, crying with them, sharing memories with them, being silly with them, just being a kid with them. I had so many adult role models to go to for advice in situations that were way over my head or when the kids got a lil roudy. But I still believe at that point in my life I was in my heart a child, I wasn't ready for the responsibility of being a leader. I had this fear of people hating me. And even to this day it still creeps in. I will tell you that fear of people hating you will take over you. It will make you not want to do what you love to do. It hurts you terribly. I can't stand it. It doesn't want you to be yourself. It wants you to be someone you are not. If there is one thing in the world that I can't stand, it is that, the fear of people hating me. When I was in high school, it didn't consume me so much, sometime people would ask me why I hung out with certain people or why i don't do certain thing or why I go to church, and I'd reply that's who I am, or I like this person or this person is nice, or I don't want to do that. NOw as I've gotten older, it is much stronger, much harder. To stand out of the crowd and not be the typical. But that's what God asks us to do, stand out of the crowd, not be like everyone else.
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Immediately after I left my town, I decided to devote my life into youth ministry and giving my time in the church. Through that I truely fell in love with the youth, guiding them through their lives, being there, laughing with them, crying with them, sharing memories with them, being silly with them, just being a kid with them. I had so many adult role models to go to for advice in situations that were way over my head or when the kids got a lil roudy. But I still believe at that point in my life I was in my heart a child, I wasn't ready for the responsibility of being a leader. I had this fear of people hating me. And even to this day it still creeps in. I will tell you that fear of people hating you will take over you. It will make you not want to do what you love to do. It hurts you terribly. I can't stand it. It doesn't want you to be yourself. It wants you to be someone you are not. If there is one thing in the world that I can't stand, it is that, the fear of people hating me. When I was in high school, it didn't consume me so much, sometime people would ask me why I hung out with certain people or why i don't do certain thing or why I go to church, and I'd reply that's who I am, or I like this person or this person is nice, or I don't want to do that. NOw as I've gotten older, it is much stronger, much harder. To stand out of the crowd and not be the typical. But that's what God asks us to do, stand out of the crowd, not be like everyone else.
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I sometimes...
I sometimes...
I sometimes feel like
I am being pulled away
from who I am
But then when I go back
to where I used to be,
I miss the new.
And then I sit and say,
"God take this I can't take it.
You are the Master, the Driver,
I want what You want."
I love to stare at the sky,
the clouds, the stars, the moons
partly because they are beautiful
but even more knowing
and thinking that My Wonderful Master
created them for me to gaze at.
I sometimes love to lay in the grass
and daydream about the past, the future, and the present
It's wonderful to know that my Daddy knows what I am dreaming
He maybe laughing, smiling, waiting for the moment when I move on, and proud of me for doing something out of my comfort zone
I sometimes love to sing out loud
without people hearing me or with people hearing
I oddly enough don't like alot attention on me
I think its odd because I am a very out going girl
That's the creativity of God.
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I sometimes feel like
I am being pulled away
from who I am
But then when I go back
to where I used to be,
I miss the new.
And then I sit and say,
"God take this I can't take it.
You are the Master, the Driver,
I want what You want."
I love to stare at the sky,
the clouds, the stars, the moons
partly because they are beautiful
but even more knowing
and thinking that My Wonderful Master
created them for me to gaze at.
I sometimes love to lay in the grass
and daydream about the past, the future, and the present
It's wonderful to know that my Daddy knows what I am dreaming
He maybe laughing, smiling, waiting for the moment when I move on, and proud of me for doing something out of my comfort zone
I sometimes love to sing out loud
without people hearing me or with people hearing
I oddly enough don't like alot attention on me
I think its odd because I am a very out going girl
That's the creativity of God.
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A Long Walk Will...
A long walk will either (a) wear you down to the point where you have call home and ask you family to pick you up, or (b) give you some strengthening courage to go do things that were scared to do before.
I'm partially saying in reference to myself and what I did this afternoon, but also talking about any problem we are scared to face on our own. Maybe we just take a walk, talk it out with God, give Him our worries, talk out the negatives and positives. That's what God is there for. He's a listening ear.
Not to leave out the shoulder to cry on. The arms to hold you when you need to be comforted. He's the supplier of all our needs and then SOME!! He's our protecter. Our defender. He gives us joy & laughter. He even better gives us wisdom when we really don't feel it or understand it. It's amazing what God does for us.
What I think is so cool and amazing and the best is when I think and say and write about this I'm also talking about Jesus Christ. He is One with the Father. I don't truly understand, not completely but I don't think anyone will untill we go to Heaven. But it's a great thing to think about.
Wow just imagine all that came from a hour 45 min walk. Go God!!
Kim
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I'm partially saying in reference to myself and what I did this afternoon, but also talking about any problem we are scared to face on our own. Maybe we just take a walk, talk it out with God, give Him our worries, talk out the negatives and positives. That's what God is there for. He's a listening ear.
Not to leave out the shoulder to cry on. The arms to hold you when you need to be comforted. He's the supplier of all our needs and then SOME!! He's our protecter. Our defender. He gives us joy & laughter. He even better gives us wisdom when we really don't feel it or understand it. It's amazing what God does for us.
What I think is so cool and amazing and the best is when I think and say and write about this I'm also talking about Jesus Christ. He is One with the Father. I don't truly understand, not completely but I don't think anyone will untill we go to Heaven. But it's a great thing to think about.
Wow just imagine all that came from a hour 45 min walk. Go God!!
Kim
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Single Womans Prayer
Single Woman's Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
Who's not afraid to admit when he is wrong.
One who thinks before he speaks.
When he promises to call, he doesn't wait six weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
Won't lose his cool when he's annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh send me a man who will make love to my mind.
Know what to say when I ask "How fat is my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a' itchin'
He brings ME a sandwich too, when he goes to the kitchen.
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never compare me to my best friend.
Thank you in advance and now I'll just wait,
For I know you will send him before it's too late.
Amen
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Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
Who's not afraid to admit when he is wrong.
One who thinks before he speaks.
When he promises to call, he doesn't wait six weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
Won't lose his cool when he's annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh send me a man who will make love to my mind.
Know what to say when I ask "How fat is my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a' itchin'
He brings ME a sandwich too, when he goes to the kitchen.
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never compare me to my best friend.
Thank you in advance and now I'll just wait,
For I know you will send him before it's too late.
Amen
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OH To Break Out!!
Oh To break out.
To Break out of the routine.
Out of my own selfish bordem
To do something not usual.
Oh To break free.
Of what holds me to my regular life.
To live a life on the edge.
On the edge of possibly not knowing
Where God is going to lead me next.
Trusting Him with everything,
and I DO MEAN EVERYTHING.
From where I work, to what I eat
all the way to pursuing a relationship with someone
and with that one conquering a fear.
Trusting Him that He will be there
holding me, guiding me, talking to me,
putting the right people in my life to help me
with important decisions and/or guidance.
Oh To Break away!!
To Break Out of the Regular Routine!!
-Kim
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To Break out of the routine.
Out of my own selfish bordem
To do something not usual.
Oh To break free.
Of what holds me to my regular life.
To live a life on the edge.
On the edge of possibly not knowing
Where God is going to lead me next.
Trusting Him with everything,
and I DO MEAN EVERYTHING.
From where I work, to what I eat
all the way to pursuing a relationship with someone
and with that one conquering a fear.
Trusting Him that He will be there
holding me, guiding me, talking to me,
putting the right people in my life to help me
with important decisions and/or guidance.
Oh To Break away!!
To Break Out of the Regular Routine!!
-Kim
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Unquenchable, Unstainable, Unfathomable
I sometimes feel so sheltered by the life that I live. Going to church all the time. spending time with my Christian friends. Living at home with my Christian family, protected from the "so-called" world out there. But it's not protection. In so many other ways it's holding back of what maybe God really wants me and so many others to do. To break from what the society wants of us all and be the disciples. To share to the joy and love of God to them. Wherever we go in work, in the grocery store, in the library, in doctor's office, even in our times of deepest heart ache we need to show those that are hurting just as much we are that there is a way out, there is a way to get the love that no one on this great earth can do for us. And that is is God. He is the one who provides it all. Who listens to us we when cry out, when need Him most, He holds us. He love sthe unlovable.That's what his unfailing, unquenchable, unstainable, unfathomable, no words to describe love is like. We can't even imagine it. It's so great how one day we as believers will be filled fully with God's love in Heaven. Here on earth we can only get a small taste of it....when we ask.
Kim
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Kim
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