Stand out of the Crowd

The hardest years of my life by far were my high school years. I go back to them practically everyday. The memories are etched in my memory, as iff they could never be erased. Some people say that their high school years are are the best. Some people say that theirs were the worst. While others, they just say it was all a blur, mixed drugs and booze. Well I can't say any of that. I'm 23 yrs old and I still feel as if my my life is there but I know I'm not. I went back to my high school and I just didn't fit in to the school, the town, the area. It was like God had changed me into a whole new person. I may be able to think back on those memories but its as if I'm not a part of that time or that town anymore. He's changed me into something brand new. Something deep inside is better, something or someone wants to make a difference in peoples lives while I'm here.
Immediately after I left my town, I decided to devote my life into youth ministry and giving my time in the church. Through that I truely fell in love with the youth, guiding them through their lives, being there, laughing with them, crying with them, sharing memories with them, being silly with them, just being a kid with them. I had so many adult role models to go to for advice in situations that were way over my head or when the kids got a lil roudy. But I still believe at that point in my life I was in my heart a child, I wasn't ready for the responsibility of being a leader. I had this fear of people hating me. And even to this day it still creeps in. I will tell you that fear of people hating you will take over you. It will make you not want to do what you love to do. It hurts you terribly. I can't stand it. It doesn't want you to be yourself. It wants you to be someone you are not. If there is one thing in the world that I can't stand, it is that, the fear of people hating me. When I was in high school, it didn't consume me so much, sometime people would ask me why I hung out with certain people or why i don't do certain thing or why I go to church, and I'd reply that's who I am, or I like this person or this person is nice, or I don't want to do that. NOw as I've gotten older, it is much stronger, much harder. To stand out of the crowd and not be the typical. But that's what God asks us to do, stand out of the crowd, not be like everyone else.

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